Folklore

A boy was trying to find a way to deal with bullies at school. He asked his grandfather for advice. His grandfather stated, “Inside you are two wolves.” He paused for a long time, staring off into the middle distance. Just as the boy was about to ask a follow up question, the grandfather continued. “One of them always tells the truth. The other has four legs in the morning, two legs in the afternoon, and three legs at night.”

The boy blinked. “What?”

“And when he woke up, his pillow was gone! He- he needed to something to eat the pillow in his tummy. Luckily, the big bad wolf knew that twelve spiders per year would wander into his mouth while he was sleeping. But how could he fall asleep without a pillow? He used one simple trick (doctors hate him!). He waited until midnight and said Bloody Mary into a mirror three times. Then the ghost gave him liquor that made him fall asleep for 20 years. Which was confusing, because he didn’t even notice the American revolution. But a magic frog gave him true love’s kiss, allowing the wolf to wake up. The wolf was now a prince, and he had to go rescue three little pigs. He and the frog tried to cross a river, but there was already a bag of corn on the boat. So the frog swam across the river with the prince on his back. But a scorpion stung both of them halfway across, and they both died.”

The grandfather stared into space again, then said “The moral of the story is that scorpions don’t really live in rivers.” And the boy was enlightened.

(With thanks to my friend JD, who provided the germ that spawned this vignette)