Category: Fiction

Enemies

In dystopian literature, as in science, you isolate one or a couple variables to better identify how those variables influence things. Believe it or not, this story actually started as a space opera, but I pretty quickly changed it to taking place 20 minutes in the future.

Content warnings: Violence and death against children, political opponents, and LGBTQ+ folks; references to childhood sexual assault; sexism; slurs


We drove for nearly 13 hours to break the perverts on the teeth of the wolf, and after just 10 minutes it was done. Afterwards, we were too pumped up to eat or sleep, and the app hadn’t given us the next challenge yet. I kept telling Luca to get us a motel room, since he was the oldest. Instead, we were hanging out in the van, motormouthing, like we always do when we’re pumped up. Cody kept talking, real loud and to no one in particular, about how easy it had all been. He kept laughing that all we had to do was take out our guns or bats and most of the perverts broke themselves on anything we pointed at them. I didn’t remember it that way but thought it sounded funny. I clicked my phone to note what Cody was saying so I could watch it later. I glanced at the screen– still no response from Mel.

At one point somebody saw some dried blood on Luca’s ankle, under his pant leg. We all started teasing him, and shoving him a little, yelling that he had AIDS. He got pissed off and stormed out to the parking lot. The other guys yelled at him through the minivan windows and made gestures. I waited til the guys lost interest then went out after him.

The air over the parking lot was hazy with heat. Luca’s face was sweaty. Sometimes I felt bad for him because he had the faggiest name and he had one of those gay TV accents. But he also had a hot wife, so I guess he was doing something right.

“Those retards don’t even know why we were there,” he said. He explained to me it wasn’t because the app was hunting down AIDS fuckers. The targets had some sort of ritual where they cut up kids and used it to make bread. Then he kept going, talking some weird Nazi shit. It was gross, so I shoved him and left. That night, after Luca finally got us a motel, I looked for stories that called the dead people perverts, and found them. One mentioned doing kid shit too, but it didn’t say the Nazi shit Luca had been going on about. My phone popped up with the video of the perverts breaking themselves, so I watched it. It was pretty funny, but not as much as Cody had said. Nothing is as good as when you’re motormouthing right after a gig. Then I told my phone to show me a video of a bunch of perverts fucking Luca’s wife in the ass. I jerked off two times watching it and fell asleep.

The next day we drove for two hours to break the perverts on the teeth of the wolf, and after just 20 minutes it was done. The app sent us to a little restaurant that had been converted to some sort of meeting place. The tables had been pushed together and they had laptops and binders on them. There were papers everywhere, and lots of stuff on the wall. The guys and I spread out. I found two of them in the bathroom, guarding some children with their bodies like the kids were sacks of gold. Probably just normal stuff but maybe they really were doing kid stuff, who could tell. They all broke, and we leveled up.

After, the guys were motormouthing in the van. I sat outside against the front tire. I played with my phone, telling it to show the video in different ways. I tried to find something funny, like the perverts breaking themselves. I had the perverts doing weird gross things to each other when they got blown away. Nothing worked. The closest I got to something funny was when one of them was coaching a kid on how to put a pen in the other one’s ass. So I posted it to my profile. Cody could have made something better.

But in the morning I had hundreds of likes and comments. Also lots of people pretending to be mad, saying the FBI was going to find us. I showed the guys. It was the most reaction any of us had gotten. Even Cody had to say it was good, but I could tell he was mad about it. He walked to a gas station to buy coffee, and I finished going through the alerts on my phone. Mel still hadn’t responded to my text. I didn’t know what to do but I messaged her again.

“I don’t want to see you get hurt”
“are you mad at me”
“plz respond”
“tell me if mom or ted are giving you a hard time I can come get you”

I kind of hoped the last one would work because sometimes when somebody is mad at you, you can get them to talk by changing the subject a little. It took a few minutes and I had basically given up when my phone buzzed.

“It’s not Ted. I’m still upset about what you said about me and Jesse.”

“I’m sorry! I don’t want you to get hurt. your better than that and i’m trying to keep you safe i’m your big brother”

“You’re an asshole.” And then- “I’m three years older than you.”

I sent her a bunch more texts. I kind of blew up, calling her selfish, calling her a pervert, saying she was a bitch who ignored the men who were trying to help her. I also poured in more sincere stuff, saying I was scared, that she had hurt my feelings, that I wanted to protect her like she had protected me. That last one really made me feel angry, like she was holding all the power. She wouldn’t let me pay her back, so she could always be higher than me. She was the one who had talked to the social workers back when I was in third grade and she wouldn’t ever let me forget it. I don’t know if she turned off her phone or what, but there wasn’t any response to anything I said. I shoved the phone back in my pocket.

Cody was back from the gas station. He was holding a paper cup and watching me.

“Trouble in paradise?” he asked.

“Fuck you.”

Cody kind of smiled with the corner of his mouth. I was still sitting on the curb and he was looking down at me. “Is your sister still rugmunching that blue hair dyke?”

“Shut up.” The words came out individually, and more shaky than I wanted. I didn’t look at Cody. My skin was sweaty and my stomach was a cold knot.

“You know, they say that happens when they get molested real early on.”

I knew Cody could beat the shit out of me in a fight. He was always working out, and telling us stories about all the people he fought. I focused on drawing a breath in through my nose. Then I swallowed against the lump in my throat while Cody continued.

“Somebody had to fuck them up real early on, make them think they hate men.” His voice was louder now, and the other two were watching him. “But the opposite thing happens if the perverts fuck a boy. Then he gets addicted to dick.” Cody made a perverted grunting sound and stuck his finger in my ear, and Jared snickered. I flinched my head away and swallowed again.

“Maybe that’s why your dad isn’t around anymore. He made both his kids perverts and then he got bored.”

“Why did you call for backup?” I asked, turning to look at Cody. My voice came out clear and even.

Cody squinted. “What?”

“The last mission the app gave us.” I took a breath but he didn’t interrupt me. “You found the bathroom in the back. You called for backup. But it was just one woman and one little kid.”

“There were four people in there,” Cody shot back, his voice rising.

“But you couldn’t see that. We found the other people in the last stall after you called us. So why did you call for backup? You can’t handle one woman on your own?”

“Fuck you, ok? I thought some of you pussies wanted the extra points.”

I stood up. “No, you’re a pussy. Everytime we go somewhere you can’t do any of the people by yourself. You’re fucking scared unless you have all of us right next to you.” I knew it was something we weren’t really supposed to say out loud. All of us were like that, but we all pretended it wasn’t true.

“Yeah, well at least my dad didn’t fuck me in the ass.”

Without thinking I cocked my fist back but Luca caught my arm. Everyone started shouting but Cody and I were separated before the fight even started. A couple hours later and my face was still red so Luca got me a tallboy from the corner store to help me relax. The phone in my pocket buzzed and I checked it at once.

It was a text from Cody. It was a picture of him shooting my sister in the face with his shotgun. It made the knot in my stomach tight again but I just ignored it.

The next morning at 6:00 am Cody was banging on our doors in the motel, yelling for us to hurry the fuck up. Somebody had flagged a new site on the app an hour ago and we were the closest team. In the scramble, Luca originally started putting on my shoes because we had the same pair. I couldn’t tell if it was intentional, but I shoved him hard and told him to give them the fuck over. My pocket buzzed. After he picked himself up off the ground he gave them to me. As we ran through the lobby out to the car I smelled stale cigarette smoke hanging over the front step. I got to the van last and was stuck sitting in the back even though the other guys knew it made me carsick. I tried not to focus on Jared’s swervy driving or the wobbly streaks of rain working their way across the windows. I told my phone I wanted to read about what it meant if somebody put on your shoes. Sure enough, it showed me an article about how it was an unconscious sign that the person hated you, and maybe even that they were a pervert. The phone included a picture of Luca in the article as a helpful illustration. Being proven right made me feel worse, so I told my phone I wanted to read about how people that used the Enemies app weren’t Nazis. It showed me dozens of articles. Most of them said the Enemies app was for hunting down people that hurt children, and how if it had been developed sooner then maybe young boys wouldn’t get hurt like they used to. That made me feel better and worse in a weird way, so I pulled up some pictures of me deepthroating Luca’s wife. I finally calmed down, but wished I had enough privacy to jerk off.

After an hour and a half of Jared’s crazy driving we were in a small, suburban neighborhood. He drove around, looking for the site that had been flagged. It didn’t look like the place you’d find perverts, but I knew from experience they could blend in anywhere. I opened the app. The flag was from an anonymous user, saying some house had hosted a fundraiser to get a pervert cult leader elected. Jared shouted he found it and everyone cheered as he pulled into the driveway. It just looked like any house.

Inside, Luca and Cody started tearing through the big bedroom on the first floor. Jared went into the kitchen and helped himself to Oreos. He’s a pig. He never does actual work on these missions. I decided to go upstairs. The stairway had all of these family photos on it. People smiling in front of Christmas trees and going on picnics and stuff. It seemed like a nice house.

The furthest door from the top of the stairs had some flower stickers and a “Keep Out” sign, so I went in there. The walls were this light pink color and covered with posters. I recognized one of them. Mel had the exact same poster in her room. Some blond douchebag on stage, yelling into a microphone. I looked around some more when I heard a sound in the closet. It seemed like a pretty obvious place to hide. I opened the door. Way in the back, squeezed against the corner, was a girl. She had pulled a pile of clothes up to her and actually covered herself up to her nose. I reached in and she flinched as I pulled back a jacket to see her face. She was the same age Mel was when we had lived together. And she didn’t really look like Mel, but still kind of reminded me of her somehow.

I immediately glanced back at the door to the hallway.

“Hey, um, why don’t you come out.”

She didn’t move, obviously. I glanced at the door again.

“Come on,” I hissed. She just glared at me, but her eyes were different like maybe she was starting to think I was on her side. I walked to the window. It was one of those cool second story windows I always wanted as a kid. The kind where you could climb out onto the roof, and then drop to the driveway.

“Come on,” I said again, crossing to the closet. “You can climb out the window. Go fast and I’ll dis-”

Three things happened at once. I fell down. There was a flash of movement from the back of the closet. My right thigh lit all the way up.

I felt more than saw the girl shove past me. My leg was wet. As I turned to look at it I saw a pair of silver-handled scissors fall from my thigh to the carpet. They looked like the ones my mom used to cut our hair. They looked like metal teeth, covered with blood. I felt sick. The girl pounded down the stairs. There was a shotgun blast, then the rest of the gang whooped and cheered.

© 2026. This work is openly licensed via CC BY-SA 4.0.

Empathy Gap

I wrote this 10 years ago. I was driving somewhere at an odd time of day, and caught an NPR program I had never heard before. The man being interviewed used the phrase “empathy gap” and it lodged in my mind. After writing the story, I submitted it to a bunch of science fiction magazines. They all rejected it.

There are things I like about the story. We were only a few years into voice-command digital assistants like Siri at the time, but I did a decent job extrapolating from those to how current AI works. However, there’s an embarrassing error buried in the text. When I describe the boys torturing the fungus, I describe it as if they were destroying a mushroom. Those were the main parts of fungi I had experience with, after all. I now understand that when people talk about giant, acre-sized fungi, they’re saying that there’s a sprawling, dense network of underground mycelia (basically, roots), not some massive layer of solid tissue down in the dirt.

I left the story the way it is for two reasons:

  1. This is a science fiction fungus, so who knows what the kids were poking
  2. Posterity

The middle-schoolers burst from the doors as a screaming, shoving mass. After a few hundred feet, the hoard dissipated, breaking into smaller groups and loners.

Teddy walked through the outskirts of Hogan, Texas by himself. It was the third time that month school had been let out early. He knew from experience that the door to the trailer would be locked until his parents got home. The sun was still high overhead, and he muttered a curse as he unstuck a strand of hair from his sweaty forehead. On the edge of one of the neighborhoods he walked through, Teddy came to a large area of the desert that was sectioned off with chain-link fence. He had noticed it on his last several walks to school, but it now appeared to be abandoned. All but one of the canopies were gone, and none of the men in olive jumpsuits were standing around or poking at the dirt.

He produced his Handi from his pocket and spared a moment to sneer at it. His parents had saved up and gotten him the best model they could afford for his birthday. That was two weeks ago. The thing already looked dull and dusty.

“Handi. What’s going on here?”

The small device chimed to indicate understanding. After a moment, it spoke.

“An investigation, by researchers from orbital university Hodgkin-Dane.”

“Investigation? Like a murder?” Teddy scanned the lot, walked several steps closer.

Chime. “TexasToday.com. An underground fungus, the second largest ever discovered. Covering four and a half square miles, the unknown species shows an incredible capacity to respond-”

“Four and a half miles? That’s stupid.”

A chime, then a very long pause. Then the Handi repeated “Four and a half square miles.” Teddy shoved the thing back into his pocket.

He walked alongside the fence, stepping around the crushed styrofoam cups and empty TV dinner boxes that had collected there. When he came to a gap between two posts he squeezed inside. The fine, brown earth had footprints and tire tracks in it that puffed away as Teddy stepped on them. Near the center of the site were several boreholes, apparently very deep. Teddy got down on all fours and tried to inspect one of them but it was too narrow (he could barely fit his middle finger inside) and too dark. He pushed in a little dirt with his thumb, which was immediately swallowed by the blackness.

Teddy rose to his knees and pulled the Handi out of his pocket once more.

“Handi. So there’s a big mushroom, so what?”

A pause, and then a different chime than usual. Teddy clenched the device tighter.

“Handi. Mushroom. More info.”

Chime. “FastScience.com. The unknown species shows an incredible capacity to respond to threats and other information from its environment. It appears to adapt so quickly that some scientist have described it as a ‘thinking fungus.’ Dr. Oliver-”

Teddy snorted. “That’s retarded.” As he stood up, he looked back along the way he had walked. Four and a half miles probably stretched all the way from his school to his parents’ trailer, maybe a little farther. He tried to imagine a giant web of white fungus spread out underneath it all. He looked down, imagining some oozing thing hidden beneath the soles of his feet at that exact moment. He squinted, swallowed, and then repeated the word “retarded” to himself. The rest of the way home, he stomped.

…  

The next day, Teddy stopped at the abandoned research site before school. He had spent a good portion of the previous evening brooding about the mushroom, and now he paused outside the chain-link fence. Taking a deep breath through his nose, he slipped through the gap in the fence once more. The boreholes were still there, and after several seconds of searching, Teddy found an ant. Dropping to his hands and knees he worked to coax it onto his finger, then pivoted to the borehole and pushed the ant in using his thumbnail. The ant disappeared but otherwise nothing happened. Teddy waited a minute, and frowned.

Standing, he looked around. He went back outside the fence, to the edge of the road, and returned with several crumbled bits of asphalt. He tried to push them into the hole, but they were too large, or shaped wrong. They dug into his fingers as he strained to push them down. Teddy swore violently at the rocks. From his pocket, Handi chimed and suggested that they didn’t want to be late for school.

The first part of the day was spent in liberal arts class. The class watched the second half of a movie that Teddy didn’t remember starting. One of the girls raised her hand and said she thought the video was for another class. The volunteer teacher told her to shut up. When it was time for lunch Teddy scanned the cafeteria for Dylan, with whom he sometimes ate. Dylan was a little kid with black hair and bags under his eyes, even though he didn’t do drugs. Teddy spied him sitting in the corner of the cafeteria. As Teddy walked towards him, he saw that Dylan had already finished the dried out pizza the school was serving that day. On the table next to him was a thin, hardcover book without a dust jacket.

“Dylan.” Teddy sat down across from him. “Can you get me some of those long tent poles from your dad?” Dylan’s father was a scout leader. Teddy had stayed with the troop long enough to go on one camping trip with them.

“Oh, hi, Teddy. I’m not really supposed to play with them. Why?”

Teddy stared at him.

“They’re expensive! My dad doesn’t let me mess with his scouting stuff, you know?”

“Jesus.” Teddy sat back in his chair and bit off the end of his pizza. “What do you have that for, anyway?” He pointed to Dylan’s book with his chin.

“I dunno. It’s pretty good.”

“You don’t have to read it. That’s why we got out early yesterday. They told those teachers they weren’t going to pay them so they left.”

“Did Ms. Snow quit too?”

“All of them.”

Dylan frowned at his cafeteria tray. As Teddy swallowed his last bite of crust, Dylan asked, “What do you want the tent poles for anyway?”

“Nothing. Just something after school, but it won’t work.”

Dylan paused, then “Maybe I can set them aside before he comes home tonight.” Teddy looked up at him. “Yeah, he never checks my backpack or anything. I can fold them up in there.”

“Hey, that’s better,” Teddy said with a grin. And then he told Dylan what he wanted to do.

They went to the site Wednesday after school. Teddy walked ahead while Dylan took out the slender, folded up tent poles. When they stopped at the first borehole, Dylan looked at it, then looked at Teddy.

“Did you dig these?”

Teddy snorted.

The two boys squatted down and began to assemble their poles. An elastic cord ran through the sections, and pulled them together with a satisfying snap when they were lined up. Dylan was done first. He stood up and swung it back and forth experimentally. The slicing sound caused Teddy to look up from his own nearly completed pole.

“Dylan. Give me.” He held out his hand.

Ignoring him, Dylan squatted over a borehole and lined up his tent pole. It reached above his head and wobbled as he fed it down into the earth like a probe. For a moment it looked like it wasn’t going to be long enough but then it stopped sinking almost two thirds of the way up the last section. Teddy crowded behind Dylan and grabbed for the probe, but Dylan put up a skinny shoulder.

“Push on it.” Teddy’s eyes were glittering. Dylan obliged, making a fist around the probe with both hands and pushing it down. There was some resistance, and then a change in texture as the probe suddenly gave way. Dylan let go of the pole, but his hands hovered next to it. He looked back over his shoulder at Teddy.

“What?”

“It- shivered. I think.”

This time Dylan didn’t resist when Teddy pushed around him. Teddy squatted and grabbed the probe with both fists, one on top of the other, and jabbed it down into the earth. He felt it puncture the unseen barrier, then felt a shudder run up the instrument. Inhaling through his mouth, he jackhammered the probe several more times. With each jab, he savored the sensation of the resistance suddenly giving way, the new feel of pushing through whatever was beneath it, the slight suck on the probe as he pulled it back up.

Around the tenth jab, Teddy felt a small rumble beneath his feet. He turned and grinned at Dylan, whose eyes were wide. Teddy started stabbing into the ground again, but soon everything beneath the hole was minced. He stood up, bringing the tool out of the ground with him, and walked to the next hole. Squatting, he stabbed into the hidden, fungal flesh once again and produced another shiver in the probe. Instead of pulling it out, he let himself fall backwards into a sitting position. Dylan stared at the tent pole sticking out of the earth, as if someone had raised an antenna to broadcast a message.

“If this thing is a big as Handi says, you should be able to get a shiver through that hole-” Teddy pointed to a borehole several feet behind Dylan, “while I’m at this one. You’ll go at the same time as me.”

Dylan nodded but didn’t say anything. He picked up the pole Dylan had abandoned and positioned himself over the other borehole.

“Dylan! Hurry up. We’re stabbing it on one.” Teddy called out the numbers backwards, starting at three. When he reached one he plunged the pole as deep as he could into the hole. There was a violent shudder and then a sharp hiss. A faint odor filled the air around him, a little like freshly cut grass but more prickly in his nose. The smell pulled his head around to Dylan, who had fallen back onto his butt and was scrambling backwards from the hole. A dark green plume was rapidly dissipating in the air around him. At a glance, he saw that several other boreholes had thin, smoky plumes coming out of them.

“Did you feel that!” called Teddy, rubbing his eyes. He walked towards Dylan. “I think I hit like an eggsack or something.”

“I think it was attacking us.”

“Dylan. What’s wrong with you?” Teddy’s eyes felt dry. As he rubbed them, he became aware of a growing pain in his head, an ache just underneath the front top of his skull. Dylan started to mumble something, then stopped.

“Whatever,” Teddy told him. Then he dropped the tent poles and walked home.

The headache got worse as he walked so that he could barely keep his eyes open by the time he got home. In his room he found that if he pushed hard on either side of his skull the pain subsided slightly but his arms quickly got tired. He slumped on his bed with the light turned off, his back against one corner of the small room. The headache glowed like a sunset, pushing out everything else. With his eyes squeezed shut, Teddy dug his fingernails into the surface of the bare mattress until he fell asleep.

Dylan was not in line assembly class the next day. It wasn’t until lunch on Friday that Teddy found him, sitting in his usual spot, already finishing the last of his McDonalds. Teddy sat down across from him. Dylan greeted Teddy through a mouthful of food.

“You weren’t in school.”

“Yeah, my parents thought I had food poisoning.” Then, “Don’t worry, I didn’t tell them anything.”

Teddy stared at the table as he took a bite of his hamburger.

“You know, I saw some things after that fungus attacked us. Like, in my head, you know?”

“What does that mean?”

“Like, I saw some things. Really weird stuff.” Dylan was smiling now. “I didn’t tell my parents about it, but it was some pretty weird stuff.”

“I just got a fucking headache.”

“Yeah, I got that too, but only at first. Then it felt like a giant spoon was stirring up my brain. All of my ideas and stuff kept jumbling on top of each other, does that makes sense? Plus, I saw Ms. Snow-” he hesitated as though he were going to say more, but then closed his mouth, grinning.

“No shit?”

Dylan nodded.

“We’re going back there. Tomorrow, after school.”

The grin on Dylan’s face froze. “Ah.”

“Come on. You need to help me. Last time it only worked when we both did it at the same time.” When Dylan failed to respond, Teddy added, “And you can see Ms. Snow again, right?”

“Yeah,” Dylan said slowly. “Yeah, okay. But I can’t stay for too long, okay?”

Teddy shrugged.

The next day the boys found their probes laying in the red dirt where they had left them. Teddy kneeled down next to his probe and opened his book bag.

“What’s that?”

“Oven cleaner. I asked Handi which brand was the strongest. This should really get her burning, huh?” Teddy pulled the cap off the tall can with a pop, and began to spray the end of his probe. A strong smelling white foam clung to it, quivering with each movement of Teddy’s arm.

“I think I’ll just use my regular probe.”

“Dylan. Use it.”

The boys positioned themselves at their boreholes from earlier that week. Teddy fed in his probe until he felt it hit something. He kneeled close over the hole, ready to inhale anything that came out. He called out to Dylan, then stabbed his poisoned probe into whatever it was resting against. Two rapid punches, and then with the third he sunk the pole into the unseen flesh as deep as it would go. The ground rumbled, much stronger than before, and there was a hiss. A thick jet of green black dust erupted from the hole. Teddy sucked in a deep breath but started coughing violently before he could finish. His windpipe felt like it was burning.

Behind him, Dylan was sitting on the ground. He was coughing too. Teddy approached him.

“How long does it take? Before Ms. Snow and stuff?”

Dylan’s hacking prevented him from talking for several seconds. His black hair bounced with each cough. He finally managed, “That was way worse than last time.”

“Dylan! How long does it take?” Teddy pushed Dylan’s ribs with the front of his shoe. Dylan put out a hand to keep himself from toppling over but otherwise didn’t respond. He was staring at a patch of dirt between his splayed feet.

“Did you see that?” He asked, mouth hanging open. “The ground is breathing.” His voice was wheezy.

Teddy squeezed his skull. He looked at the patch of ground between Dylan’s feet, then back at Dylan himself. “What’s wrong with your eyes?” Dylan paused, processing the question, then his head darted to Teddy. “Your eyes.” Teddy continued. “They’re red and your pupils are all messed up.”

Dylan’s arms flew to his face, and he rubbed his eyes with quick, jerky movements. “They hurt real bad,” he confessed. “Am I going to die?”

Teddy felt a twinge at the corner of his mouth and he shrugged. “They look fucked up.”

They fell quiet then. Teddy decided to walk through the site, counting all the boreholes he could find. His headache was blooming like a rose, and it was hard to concentrate. He lost count when Dylan yelped and scrambled back frantically. Teddy cursed, and turned to glare at him.

“There was-” he pointed at an empty patch of ground and trailed off.

Teddy turned back to the hole at his feet. He tried to remember if he had been at eight or nine, but the burning in his head made it impossible to hold onto any thought. He stared at the small, black circle blankly.

He had just about convinced himself that Dylan had been right, that the ground really was breathing, when he heard a strange cry from behind him. Teddy turned once more to discover that the front of Dylan’s shirt was covered with vomit. Dylan was staring down at it, smiling.

“She kissed me!” He laughed, vomit dripping off his chin. Teddy glanced around, said nothing. His head felt like somebody had tried to shove burning stones into the tops of his eye sockets. Dylan laughed again. “Just like in the book!” He held his hands out in front of him and pantomimed something indistinct, though Teddy caught the word “titties.”

Teddy’s snapped his teeth shut and began grinding them. He sucked in breath hard through his nostrils. He hated Dylan for seeing things. For tricking him into coming back here. For being a fucking idiot, and a disgusting one at that. He hated his home and his school and all of his stupid classes. But most of all he hated the mushroom. Through the haze in his head, he managed to picture her once more- massive, pale, hiding down in the earth so no one could ever touch her. An impossibly wide underbelly of squishy white flesh, just waiting to be fucked to bits by the first person who could reach it. He hated that it stirred up Dylan’s mind to produce a breathing ground and naked liberal arts teachers while all he got was this blank, burning headache. He saw then that this was all he’d ever have. He’d learn more numbers, more tools, more patterns, but the only thing that would happen when they got stirred up was pain.

He thought about returning with dynamite and blowing the thing out of the earth. He thought about gasoline, bleach, battery acid. He thought about skewering Dylan through the stomach with one of the poles, or both of them. But his thoughts were interrupted by Dylan, who threw up into his lap a second time. With vomit still on his hands, he grabbed his head and started to cry.

Teddy squinted at him. It was almost impossible for him to keep his eyes open. He wanted to go and kick Dylan in the head, to stomp on him until there was nothing but red, red dirt. Instead, he stumbled uncertainly towards the fence. The world around him wobbled like hot air. Tomorrow. Tomorrow he could break what he wanted to break.

© 2026. This work is openly licensed via CC BY-SA 4.0.

Kinked Guts

I wrote this early in 2024, before Donald Trump was elected a second time. I was anxious about what a second Trump presidency would look like. Now that’s a reality, and it seems like I was right about some details and wrong about some others. In general I think utopian fiction is more important than dystopian fiction, especially these days. That makes this piece slightly embarrassing for me. But it accurately represents what was in my heart and mind when I wrote it. I have no idea if this will be of use to anyone, but I decided to share it here regardless.

Content warnings: Discussions of sexual assault, political violence, and imprisonment.


On the forth day, a rumor went around the detention center that the guards were going to sodomize us. Depending on who told the story, one of the other protesters either had been sodomized with a nightstick, or he had overheard a guard talking about a plan to “interrogate” us and then blame it on gang violence.

I don’t know where the other protestor would have heard that. I didn’t get a tour when I was thrown in here. Diego, my cellmate I guess you’d call him, had been here longer. He had tried to explain some stuff, but I was fogged out with anxiety and depression.

I hadn’t brought my antidepressants with me to the protest. I remember the fact many times an hour, and each time feel a flush of self-anger. I try to tell myself that the militia or the guards would have taken it away anyway. I go over all the research I did to make sure the protest would be safe. None of it makes the panic any less intense.

There has to be a law, right? Something about providing prisoners with required medicine? Is there something in the Geneva Convention? The last thought actually makes me laugh out loud. I look around to see if anyone noticed, and it strikes me that I must look like a crazy person.

For the time being we’re actually being kept in outdoor pens. There’s corrugated plastic overhead that provides shade, at least in the middle of the afternoon. The pens are in a row. Some people talk, but most of us just sit. I assume the other people are as freaked out as I am. I haven’t been in a situation like this before. Never even really imagined myself in it, even when I started going to border protests. I just assumed I’d be safe. I spend lots of time thinking about privilege. The panicked animal of my mind gets to focus on something concrete when I do that, and I hate myself with a ferocity I’ve never experienced before. I carefully recall all the assumptions I took for granted and excoriate myself for each one.

When I’m not completely consumed by the lashing whirl of my thoughts, I strain my eyes trying to pick out cars on the distant road. Over and over I imagine the arrival of a van from the ACLU, or the National Lawyers Guild, or even CNN. The first day we were here, less than an hour after the militia dropped us off, a white pickup drove right up to the gate. There was some sort of emblem on the door of the pickup, but I couldn’t make it out. The driver looked like he was arguing with the guard. There was a long wait, then somebody else walked out to the pickup. Another argument, then the truck drove away. It hasn’t been back.

I spent that morning in a fog. I didn’t have anything to do so I sat on the dirt. The dry air had the skin around my fingernails peeling, and I picked at it until it bled. This happened several times. From somewhere in the back of my head, I noticed how it felt impossible to follow a train of thought. My mind was boiling with fear, different details breaking through the surface of consciousness every few seconds. I would try to follow those thoughts, only to get overwhelmed and blanked out. Until the next one.

“Hey. It was Paul, right?”

I turned and looked at Diego. I swallowed, and unstuck my tongue from the top of my mouth. “Yeah.”

“What do you do for work?” He smiled a little.

“Um. I’m getting a master’s degree in graphic design.” I cleared my throat. “But I work in a t-shirt shop part time.”

“That’s cool,” said Diego. He sounded a little too enthusiastic. “I’m a social worker, I finished my degree a couple years ago. Right now the organization I’m with only has the budget to bring me on part time, so I can kind of relate. Hey Paul, I want to do a little exercise, kind of like therapy. Would you like to help me with that?”

I took a breath and half shrugged, half nodded.

“Great. So this is a grounding exercise. It gets us in touch with our senses. The first thing is to say five things we can see. So I might say–” he glanced around for a moment before looking down at his lap. “My jeans, for example. So, give me five things you can see.”

I grunted, then swiveled my neck around. About 100 yards away was one of those wide low buildings like you see on industrial chicken farms. I thought one of the guards mentioned other prisoners in there, but I wasn’t sure. “The chicken coop thing.” I looked around more. “The chain-link fence. The dirt.” I didn’t know what else to say. “You. And-” I craned my neck until I found them. “Those militia guards walking around.”

Diego nodded slow and deep, like I was making brilliant observations. “Perfect,” he said when I finished. “Now, tell me four things you can feel.”

“My fingers hurt.” I gave a humorless laugh. I don’t know why. I think I felt stupid for picking at them. “And my stomach hurts.” It was true, but I hadn’t noticed it until that point. “Uhh. I feel hot.” I paused for a couple seconds, and Diego offered, “Do you feel the ground under you?”

“Now that you mention it I guess.”

“Perfect,” he said again. “Ok, now, three things you can hear. Like I think I can hear the chickens off in that building.”

I had predicted we were going through all the senses and had already zeroed in on the chickens as one of my things to mention. I immediately felt frustrated that Diego had taken what I was thinking of, and immediately after that felt stupid for feeling like I couldn’t pick the same thing. “Umm… Well, my voice, now that I’m talking. And your voice, when you talk.” Diego nodded. “My stomach is gurgling.”

“Ok, so the next one is smell. Give me two things you can smell.”

I sniffed. Yesterday one of the guys a couple pens down had shit in the corner of his little space. I think he had diarrhea and couldn’t help it. It happened early in the morning and it smelled terrible. The guards screamed at him, but didn’t do anything about it until that night when one shoveled some dirt on it through the fence. I smelled it less today. Or maybe I was just used to it.

“The dirt again,” I said. I thought of the guy several pens down. “And my sweat.”

“Last one,” said Diego with an enthusiasm that made me think of a game show host. “What do you taste right now.”

Without thinking I said “Cherry fucking cobbler.” Diego burst out laughing. The sound made me jump, but then I laughed a little too.

When he stopped laughing, Deigo said, “That’s a grounding technique. It can be really helpful when, you know-” he made blades with his hands and spun them in circles in front of him. “Sometimes we just get going and going and we need to stop and get grounded. I’ve been feeling like that since we came here.

I nodded and sagged forward, settling my chest against my knees. I didn’t know what to say. Diego was undeterred.

“Do you know anyone here?”

“No.” I shook my head. Then, because I wasn’t sure if he meant something else I said “It just seemed wrong. At the border? So I protested.”

I thought he was going to criticize me, but he seemed to have other things on his mind. He nodded while staring a ways off. “It’s hard to know how these things are going to go. My wife was scared. She didn’t want me to come.”

I sat awkwardly for a minute. “Do you know anyone here?”

Diego shook his head. “Just you.” He shot me a smile. “I thought it was wrong too.”

“I tried to do some research, to see if this protest would be safe.”

“I guess since the president deputized militias to do border control, none of them are really safe.” Diego sighed. I felt bad, like I had deflated him a little. But then he looked up. He was staring off in the distance again, like he was in thought.

“I guess that’s why we do this.” I didn’t say anything, and after a moment he continued. “Why bother, right? If you can get locked up at any of these protests, why do it? I used to think it was for myself. I didn’t want to get used to having all these terrible things happen and not doing anything. So I practiced being active, even if it didn’t seem to make a difference.”

Diego’s words created a sort of tension in me. I focused on him, and it cut through the brain fog.

“But this is-” he waved his arms, gesturing to our surroundings. “This is real. People need to get involved. I don’t know if protesting is the best way to do it. But we need something. And maybe this changes the situation?” He switched from looking off into the distance to looking directly at me. I almost flinched. “When we don’t know what to do, we just keep trying to change the situation. Even if it’s just in a really little way. This is different now. I’m not at home. I can’t see my-” he choked off suddenly. He looked away, but not before I saw tears spring up at the bottoms of his eyes. He took several deep breaths before continuing. “We don’t know how our actions are going to affect things. But we have to try something.”

I don’t remember what I said. I was glad he wasn’t looking at me anymore, because I didn’t know what to say. I gave some lame lame acknowledgement. “Yeah,” or “Mhmm.” But I couldn’t think of anything to add. I felt bad, but Diego seemed like he was lost in his own thoughts.

I stared out at the desert. I kept thinking about what Diego said. I imagined people telling each other that I was imprisoned at a border camp. Or that Diego and I both were. And then those people would tell people, and those people would tell people, and so on. I imagined a giant crowd of people acting in unison, finally deciding to do something.

I felt bad imagining myself as some sort of main character. But I found the scenario worked just as well if I imagined the crowd of people reacting to everyone who was imprisoned in the border camp. And I remembered something I had read on a social justice blog late one night when I was researching this protest. It said it was ok to make mistakes, it was just important to learn from them. It kind of matched what Diego said.

While I was thinking about all this, I saw the white truck drive up to the gate again. “Diego!” I hissed, rising to my feet.

The truck stood there for a long time. Just as I was about to look away, a guard came out and walked up to the driver side door. They spoke for a while, and then they started shouting. It was louder than last time. The guard was making slashing movements with his arms. After several more seconds, he started to walk away, back towards the rest of the compound. The truck backed up, then started to drive around the barricade in the road. The guard spun around and started shouting again, jabbing his finger at the truck. It kept rolling forward, and he took out the gun on his hip and pointed it directly at the windshield. The truck froze.

“Oh fuck,” said Diego from next to me. I was surprised to hear him swear.

After a moment, the truck slowly backed up. It drove backwards for 50 feet then it turned and drove away. The guard kept his gun out the whole time. Three other guards walked out to him. I imagined the giant crowd of people pouring out of the horizon like army ants, tearing the guards apart. The guards stalked back towards the compound. I turned my back to the chain link fence and slid down to a fetal position.

All along the row of cells people were watching the scene. I heard Diego talk in Spanish to the person on the other side of him. I felt far away from everyone. I fell on my side, still curled up. It strained my neck but I didn’t care.

A little time went by. There was a commotion at the end of the compound. I listened, then eventually sat up and looked. One of the guards was walking along the cages. He was holding his nightstick next to him, dragging it over the chain link as he walked. Behind him was another guard, smirking. The first guard was saying mean things to each person he walked past. “Little bitch.” “Too ugly.” Stuff like that. No matter what the first guard said, the second guard laughed. Then they got to me.

The guard pointed the rounded end of the nightstick at me and moved it in small, deliberate circles. “Perfect.”

The second guard started to undo the padlock on my cage. Diego tried to say something to him, but the guard screamed at him to shut up. Everyone in the pens got quiet. They opened my cage and grabbed me by the arms. They marched me down the hall. I barely felt my feet on the ground as we walked. I tried to imagine the people coming over the horizon. The white truck. Anyone.

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